Teachers have been reporting that the majority of their students are spending more time in the bathroom rather than actual class. GOA has recognized this dedication and has implemented “Bathroom” as a new core class.
Bathroom has two academic levels, College Prep Bathroom and AP Bathroom. Placement will be determined based on how much time students have spent in the bathroom in during the first semester.
Freshman Hanna Laufer said, “I am really praying to get into AP Bathroom next year, I’ve been spending every single class period in the girls bathroom to get enough time to be considered. My 200+ absences are a spiritual devotion to AP Bathroom.”
Bathroom will have a highly rigorous course and packed schedule. It will feature ten small units for each month of the school year. One of those units being How to Choose Your Bathroom Wisely.
The new teacher for AP Bathroom is 17-year-old, Mr. Sherotim from West Orange High School. He said, “I run the bathrooms of West Orange High School and since my retirement is impending, it’s time to pass my wisdom onto the youth.”
According to new studies, 92 percent of the most valuable life lessons are learned in the bathroom, not the classroom.
GOA principal Mr. Huseman said, “We are committed to recognizing excellence wherever it is… even in the bathroom.”
Sophomore Jordana Lorrimer shared a less enthusiastic perspective of the class. She said, “At first I joined just for the AP credit but now it’s really stressing me out. One of our homework assignments is to go to a public restroom and observe behavioral patterns. I have been labelled a creep, I got a C on the assignment and I can’t even drop out.”
For the AP Test, students will have to try and get as much gossip as possible while sneaking peeks at their phones over the two hour test duration in the bathroom.”
Despite mixed reviews, the GOA administration intends on continuing Bathroom for the 2026-27 school year.
Students can safely spend their entire day in the bathroom knowing that rather than skipping class they are achieving academic excellence.
